Will you blow on my dice?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
