I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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