So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
