i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
