the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
