Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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