I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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