My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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