i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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