I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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