so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
