the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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