Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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