Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
