I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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