Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
