he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
