if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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