Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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