i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
