By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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