Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
