I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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