My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
