You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
