So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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