history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
