I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
