Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
