i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
