; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
