the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
