You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
