Your tits are I can't wait for
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
