Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
