I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
