Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
