Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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