FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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