I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
