I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
