someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize