just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
