I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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