I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
