sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
