There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just had sex bonerless
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
