Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
