Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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