Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
