the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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