I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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