I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
