Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
