I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
