I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You ruined the universe
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
