I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
