i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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