It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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