i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
