I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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