even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
