giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
