Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
