It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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