I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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