I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
