Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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