She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
