Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
