you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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