Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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