I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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