i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
