Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
