I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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