My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
