dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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