The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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