You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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